Finding old journals is like finding rare, valuable treasure. The contents of this one, from August 20, 2009, had the accuracy of true North, pointing out the relentless pilgrimage I’d been navigating for a long, long time. I see it now as “the search for lost innocence”.
Reading through this passage , what emerged before me, was ‘I, the soul’, the pure, powerful being of light, the being beautiful in silence and comfortable with truth.
This is the ‘me’ that had been so covered by the dust of this corporeal world, that I had become unrecognizable, even to my Self. No wonder, for many drought-striken years, my journals poigntantly reflected the theme of ‘The Self longing for the Self’… the True Self, the true being that is completely full, lacking nothing. The quest was for the unlimited vessel of peace, love, wisdom, and bliss.
As, souls, we come from another world, a world “beyond sound”perfectly described by the Hindi word~ Nirvana which translates to ‘without sound’.
We, souls, are incognito cosmic travelers!
Incognito, indeed…such a wonder that I, the Soul have been mostly unknown and unrecognized while the body which I inhabit and animate has been running the show. I, the soul have waited patiently and quietly, very quietly in the wings for my time to emerge.
Emergence began through this journal, this mirror of the heart, written late into a summer’s evening. It emerged after a rich discussion at a weekly gathering, called ‘Council’ which I participated in for eight years, while living on the moist, fertile mountain of Wailua, interestingly called ‘the Sleeping Giant’.
It was on this night that the glimmerings of true identity and awakening could be felt. It was through a powerful thought-generated feeling that this piece of writing opened the door of ‘awareness’.
It started like this:
So much more is coming through that wishes to be said; an opening made by what was spoken tonight at Council allows a raw, pure innocence to come to the surface, breaking through the barriers of ego and personality, emerging, to be heard and healed. Out of the depth of the dark well of incubation in the bubbling, inner cauldron, arises the pure liquid light of recognition and insight to my own being. It has come suddenly, yet emerges cautiously, one precious moment at a time.
Recognition of Self had emerged on that evening under the shelter of the stars. What I heard speaking, was the heart, the true conscience of the soul, the mirror reflecting once again all the beauty and goodness that lay dormant within. In the midst of these feelings and these reflections lay a great safety and a great honesty.
Immediately, I, the heart of the soul, pondered: how long would the enimty with ‘x’ hold out and take its toll? Understanding in an instant the karmic bondage I had created, I found the love and the courage to invite this soul into connection, once again.
More honest questions came to the surface: How can I resonate authentically with other powerful women of voice, as well as with this authentic voice within?
“Go deeper” said the wind, rustling through the night. My inner sense of hearing opened deeply, as I, the soul, eagerly awaited the wind’s full message.
Give some time to your Self, every day. Speak through silence to all those who cannot be reached by words. Share energy and resonance with those who long to be filled. Listen to the voices that ring out their song, knowing to be heard is their birthright. Allow sleep to repair the fabric of your heart and clean away the rusted fragments left by inner turmoil! (This was written in the days before I learned to meditate!)
Before Council, I felt stale, bored, as if I had been living out a cookie cutter existence, feeling controlled by the limitations of a fine toothed comb. More than just a change of perspective, I the Soul recognized the need for Total Awareness and Total Attention in order to let go of the uneasiness of tension that had been taking its toll for too long. For time is precious and must not slip away in such a hypnotic, controlled state of being. Ahhh-at last, a message from the soul was getting through:
Come into a total coherence of love…discount no one…not another, nor yourself. Let visions and dreams come out into the light of day. Open a portal to tomorrow, from here to eternity is a total guarantee. Spin the cycle, knowing the essence of tomorrow’s sunrise today!
Yes, the cycle of self-realization was emerging.
Make it happen through the transparency of the Self’s own wishes, your aim and objective, crafting your today, here and now, to insure your tomorrow.
This ‘council’ of souls still nourishes each other, til today, with their powerful ponderings on what it means to be alive. As for me, nowadays, council is within, with the Constant Friend and Divine Companion, with journals, and even with this keyboard which offers such intimacy with its black and white keys, allowing me to write swiftly as the wind carries the words of the soul’s wise intellect to the surface of consciousness.
Fortunately, destiny would have it no other way and now I, the living soul, despite the obstacles imposed by the illusions and vices of Maya and her subtle, and not so subtle distractions, despite the storms of delusion, despite the chaos and nonsense of what much of the 3-D world has to offer, I, the Soul recognize and have respect for the Self.
Fast forwarding to RIGHT NOW~ I recognize the sweetest of concerns is to know and fulfill the aim and objective of this most precious of times, in this most precious of lives. Talking with myself, I ask: what does “full effort” look like, feel like, right now?
What actions and thoughts will allow for the fullest expression of Love, Peace, and Truth to come about on a constant basis? This form of checking of the self is a daily guide which keeps my ultimate destination in sight.
But back to the piece of writing, written in that journal, that emerged on that splendid night, so long ago in late August, 2009:
Hearing the call of the voice of the heart, making its music through the stars, a precious memory of my own magical, magnificence previously merged within the passage of time is now energized! What a wonder! What a blessing!
Almost sleeping now, this is the stuff of wakeful dreaming, watching my own transparency, touched by a jewel drop of color upon my brow, I am glistening in the rain (of knowledge) of yesterday, today, and tomorrow…the beginning, the middle, and the end…
Playing between time, in that place in the heart which knows all parts of the Self…knows the whole cycle of time. It is the place which embraces the fragrance of the petals of an ever blooming rose as well as the thorns by which it is has often been pricked.
Silent is this knowing.
Such joy lies behind these eyes…such wonderment!