One of my mother’s simple pieces of advice, that echoed as a “mantra” through out my childhood was: “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all!”
What’s so subtle about that, you may be thinking…
Let’s think about this-Do I find it easy to have equanimity in the face of duality?
How often do you or I find ourselves saying: “That’s really not good…I don’t like it! This especially happens when it comes to someone else’s behavior, attitude, or words, doesn’t it?
Did you know or have you recognized that we are passing through a time of “settling up”! Settling up what?
Settling up our accounts- you may even call it our “karmic accounts”…the accounts of our past..words and actions- even the ones we’re not aware of- are being settled up now (for our own benefit and for the highest good of all)!
To recognize a karmic account-I must use my powers of discrimination and discernment. It has been said by a great soul:” All the world’s a stage and that humans are simply actors strutting and fretting our parts upon the stage”.
It has also been said by a Higher Authority that to understand this ‘Drama’ of Life is a subtle thing…in that it is a predestined drama that we are creating moment by moment.
What does that mean? It is a big paradox.
One of my spiritual teachers said: “Paradox is important to understand, if you don’t want to stay in the ordinary! Anything that comes up in the drama is a test. It is designed to test you because if you pass, you move up; if you fail a test-it is so you can understand it better. No one learns by being “told”- we learn through “bitter experience”…so we can learn it really well and not be set back by it!”
Let’s say you are being faced by a situation that appears as big as a boulder! You see 3 options in dealing with it. You could…
- Take a hammer and try to break it down.
- Go around it.
- Go over the top.
The first option is the same as saying- This is BAD, I must get rid of, so I will break it down.
The other two options are like saying- this is not good nor bad, it’s just there- an obstacle…so I’ll go around it or over it.
When we step back and look at people and situations…it becomes clearer that everyone is 50% good and 50% bad. Chances are you will not find someone who pleases you at all times- it is all about accommodating, working with others, and setting boundaries. This forces you to look at your “perceived” obstacle just as it is…and to create a strategy that develops your capacity to get around it, so that you can move forward. It is in the practical day to day things of interacting with people, places, and things that we learn how to apply spiritual principles. Spirituality is not a theoretical study full of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ done in a monastery…it is done with all kinds of people. When we get passed the word “SHOULD”, we just see “what it is” that’s in front of us. We learn to be economical with our time, words, and money-using just enough for what is needed. There is great wisdom in conserving your energy, your heart, your mind. It’s important to value what you have, so you can use it properly, wisely.
As our capacities and accuracy in navigating experiences multiply – doing the right thing at the right time, for the right amount of time increases. We become balanced, calibrated, and well-tuned. Being at the right place at the right time is all about attunement.
A mantra really just means “piece of advice”~like: “It’s not good, it’s not bad. It just is.” How many of us can just be the “witness”, the detached observer, the one who doesn’t take sides, but sees the situation for what is? How many of us even see the value in cultivating this kind of detachment, loving, but uninvolved ? How many of us realize that our power of decision-making will only be as good as our ability to be detached and loving…that only when I have the power to be dispassionate will I get the intuitive sense of the right action to take next! And that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing… Understanding the “laws of spirituality takes detachment, it is not like being taught “morality” in Sunday school- about what is good and what is bad. Life is more subtle than that. Oftentimes, and some would attest that usually in a dispute, both parties are “right”, or that both are “wrong”! What a Concept!!!
Here’ another valuable piece of advice I’ve been given by a highly respected spiritual mentor…”Do not allow yourself to be be influenced by anyone! But this is a subtle thing. People like to influence each other… What follows is…”Don’t make judgements based on ‘hearsay”. You will be tested in a weak moment. Impressive people can pull you away from even God! You then come under the influence of someone’s ego. This is where the spiritual and psychological converge. What pleases you or displeases you is what makes you “impressed” or “influenced”.
Don’t have faith in instant impressions-watch and wait before you evaluate-in order to be a good judge of character. People play on each other’s desires-then comes jealousy- especially when you are impressed by what someone else has. On the other side, if you see someone who has less, you tend to get impressed with yourself. Don’t get impressed with yourself either. Have self-respect; simple advice. This too can be subtle.
A great coach or a great teacher pushes their students hard to see where their limits are. When there is trust, the one being pushed says “yes, take me there so I can really see what’s there.” A great teacher or a great coach will find out your weakness and stick you there so that you will not be deceived by the weakness in that area. Awareness of the weakness allows the student to overcome it. Simple, but Subtle!
ENLIGHTENED ANSWERS 